Aviation for Women is the flagship member publication of Women in Aviation International. Articles feature women who have made aviation history, professional development ideas, and current-topic articles.
Issue link: https://afwdigital.epubxp.com/i/715635
44 Aviation forWomen S E P T E M B E R / O C T O B E R 2 0 1 6 of our convictions because, af- ter all, we must be nice. Two recent incidents come to mind. In the first, a friend had gone through a lengthy pro- cedure in order to have a Nor- folk terrier puppy. As a careful dog-mom, my friend took care of Puppy Teddy l i ke a baby (which he is) and was taken aback when a friend asked if he could take Teddy for a walk. Just like a baby who puts ev- er ything in her mouth, Ted- dy tended to attempt the same during walks on the streets of New York City. My friend want- ed to say no to the request be- cause, again, just like a baby, Teddy needs constant monitor- ing on a walk and she felt as if this man didn't really under- stand that. But she said okay anyway. Of cou rse, t here was a n i nc ident where Teddy ingested "something," and it caused my friend no end of wor- ry until she was sure Teddy was okay. She then blamed herself for saying yes when she should have said no. But, as is often the case, she wanted to be nice. The second incident involves a dif- ferent fr iend who had a houseguest w it h a ter r ible cold but who insist- ed she wasn't sick. She was hacking and sneezing and coughing while my friend, as the host, tried to be gracious even up to a sightseeing car ride where my friend kept her car window open thinking that would protect her from the germs. She even waited two days to take the sheets off the guest bed, hoping the germs would have died. It was too late. This morning my friend woke up with a ter- rible sore throat, runny nose— and to make matters worse, the onset occurred on the day be- fore she and her husband were scheduled to spend a roman- tic birthday (hers) at a B&B; at the beach. She told me she kept d roppi ng h i nts to her g uest about c over i n g her mout h, throwing away her tissues, etc. My first bit of advice was to stop dropping hints. Hints are lost on thoughtless people with thick skulls. Forget the hints and learn to speak directly. As for my f r iend w it h t he puppy, my advice to her (which is recycled from advice I was once given) is to come up with a sentence or two and practice, practice, practice so she'd be prepared. The next time someone asks to take Ted- dy for a walk, she'll know what to say and will have recited the explanation in her mind so many times that it will be a comfortable thing to say. I'm not immune to t he nicey-nice sy nd rome. A lt houg h I have come a lon g way ove r t he yea r s i n s pea k- ing up, I still have a problem when it comes to work. If a colleague is royal- ly messing something up, not making a deadline thereby creating extra work for me or others, I typically remain silent because (read in whiny voice), "I don't want to get anyone in trouble." Real- ly, it's pitiful. S ometimes I think women would be a whole lot better off if we worried less about being nice. I don't mean we should aban- don all our fine intentions of being kind, supportive, and there for our friends. I'm talking about those good-little-girl impulses we still have to never rock the boat and never risk standing up for ourselves, often abandoning the courage P E R S O N A L D E V E L O P M E N T P A T R I C I A L U E B K E LE ARNING TO SPE AK UP Hints are lost on thoughtless people with thick skulls. Forget the hints and learn to speak directly.